Because of the ‘surprise’ element with cancer, it is not uncommon for the woman to ‘blame’ some aspect of her lifestyle for its cause – diet, stress, sexual history and other unproved ‘myths’. This ‘blame’ often contributes to the loss of self-esteem and diminished self-acceptance as a ‘total’ woman. Some suggest that the way we see ourselves after a cancer diagnosis, however, is linked to personality type and level of self-esteem prior to diagnosis. Dr. Wendy Schain, an American psychologist, suggests four frameworks of self-perception – physical, social, achieving and spiritual self. Despite the fact that cancer treatment can deplete and alter the sense of ‘physical and social self, women who are self-assured, who have a positive self-image and have balanced relationships, generally cope with the impact of physical change more readily. There is a quicker acceptance that the treatment is necessary to save her life, and that she will adapt to the physical changes in a short time.

Women who have lower self-esteem, for a variety of reasons, or are in unstable relationships often are slower in coming to terms with the impacts of treatment and may require professional intervention. They are also more likely to blame the cancer for the changes in their lifestyle.

I am feeling more comfortable about my scar than I did 12 months ago.

Both her own and her partner’s sense of loss may be quite profound in the early stages, and require open and honest communication to reestablish a feeling of connection with each other as soon as possible. For some, this may take years, if ever.

In some cases, insensitive remarks can unwittingly set back recovery and sense of self. Because the medical team has a vast amount of knowledge about cancer and its impact, many assume that the patient is more knowledgeable than they actually are about basic physiological changes. They forget the intense curiosity that some women have about the effect of treatment on their anatomy. Extra sensitivity is required when communicating to women about all aspects of the physical changes.

Top tip

Love who you are. Remember all the wonderful aspects of who you are and what you have achieved. Cancer does not take away your femininity – attitude does!

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